God’s funny. I’m a father of four daughters. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry, but usually I skip the laughing part. We’ve also thought about adoption, but nobody wants these kids. Nah, really I love my life. Research shows that females speak around 250,000 words a day. Okay, it’s not that many…it’s way more. My girls are no exception. Some things they say contain so much “wisdom” you’d think they should run for president…and that’s no joke, considering our options. Here’s what we’ve been hearing lately from our sweet angels…

Claire: 8 1/2

-Teenagers are mysterious things, so I can’t wait to be one.
-Why do they call the Royals players by their last names, and why are their last names weird?
-You’re actually a pretty good dad, especially with doing hair, because most dads can’t do that.
-Dad, I want to marry a guy like you…you’re pretty awesome.
-It’d be weird if I had a different dad, but then I’d say that to a different dad.
-I feel like doing a cart wheel, too bad I can’t.

Charlotte: 6

-Dad stop, that’s annoying and embarrassing.
-I already know I’m beautiful because daddy told me.
-One time I lost my appetite because Aunt Kristi told me Braden has a girlfriend.
-Mommy, I know I pretended to get married today, but I really want to marry Dad.
-Daddy, I’m good at tooting, but you’re the best.
-Daddy, why are you naked?

Cambry: 3 1/2

-Daddy is the best daddy in the world because he is on the stage and he is not fat.
-I’m trying to poop and it’s relaxing
-I’m not feeling well, I have fast poops.
-The basement smells like rotten dolphins.
-Elsie’s so cute I want to smash her face.

Elsie: 20 months

(Dear God, why did you put me in this crazy family? I mean, Mommy’s awesome but Daddy is so weird. He’s gone from magician to mentalist to motivational speaker to comedian. What’s next…a mime? And why am I the only one wearing a diaper? Everyone in this family has accidents, and I do mean everyone. But thank you for making me child number 4 because I know that means one day I’ll get whatever I want. OK, I better get busy – there are makeup bags to empty and diapers to fill. Amen.)


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